Hercules in New York (1969)

HERCULES IN NEW YORK (1969) One-and-a-half stars

I remember first watching HERCULES IN NEW YORK, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s infamous motion picture debut, on “USA Up All Night” and I am trying to remember if it was Rhonda Shear or Gilbert Gottfried hosting that night.

I caught up with HERCULES IN NEW YORK about 10 years ago and wrote a rather negative review (that seems to be a pattern). I remember making fun of the ridiculous voice dubbed for Schwarzenegger and cracking multiple governor jokes.

I received “Arnold’s original classic” for Christmas and it’s hyped featuring his original audio track. That’s a vast improvement from dubbed Arnold, because it is infinitely more enjoyable to hear Mr. Schwarzenegger (billed as Arnold Strong, playing off co-star Arnold Stang) flub his lines than hear some mismatched voice for the world’s strongest man. We do hear Arnold’s voice except for the final scene. In that sense, we don’t leave HERCULES IN NEW YORK asking ourselves like Johnny Rotten, “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”

Where do we go now with HERCULES IN NEW YORK? The title basically sums up the plot, but unfortunately, there’s a lot more to it than that with scenes taking place in both New York City and Mount Olympus. On Earth, it’s a situation comedy with tons of slapstick and incredible feats by our title character, while on Mount Olympus, it’s a soap opera featuring Zeus, Juno, Venus, Hercules, Mercury, et cetera.

Hercules challenges Zeus, Zeus punishes Hercules, Hercules defies Zeus, Juno plots behind their back, Mercury attempts to bring Herc back, oh help us all, I just want more scenes like the infamous one where Hercules takes on a man-in-a-bear suit or even like the early one where he overpowers a car. Yes, I want more incredible feats and less soap opera.

If viewers at home decide to play a drinking game with HERCULES IN NEW YORK, please be careful which phrases and drinks are selected. For example, if you select “I am Hercules” and you’re drinking shots, you just might be passed out by the 30-minute mark. Then again, you just might prefer that over watching the rest of HERCULES IN NEW YORK, especially since the final 30 minutes are much worse than the first 30.

I wonder if there’s ever been a weirder screen pairing than Stang and Schwarzenegger.

The 5-foot-3 Stang and the 6-2 Schwarzenegger. The high-pitched motor-mouthed New Yorker and the Austrian who struggles with the English language. The scrawny bean pole and Mr. Olympia. They both enjoyed successful careers against the odds: Stang (1918-2009) described himself as a frightened chipmunk who’s been out in the rain too long, while Schwarzenegger’s mentor Joe Weider (1919-2013) falsely claimed the bodybuilder had extensive “stage” experience to get the big lug the Hercules part. Schwarzenegger returned to acting in Bob Rafelson’s STAY HUNGRY (1976) and later became perhaps the unlikeliest star after CONAN THE BARBARIAN and THE TERMINATOR. Stang continued to work into his 70s in a career that spawned more than 50 years.

It should be mentioned that Reg Park’s performance and physique in Mario Bava’s 1961 HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD inspired Schwarzenegger to become a bodybuilder. In turn, Park himself urged Schwarzenegger to take on the Hercules role. Too bad, Arnold did not have Bava (BLACK SUNDAY, TWITCH OF THE DEATH NERVE) for director.

Schwarzenegger’s friend and rival Lou Ferrigno played Hercules in two movies, HERCULES and THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES. At the fourth annual Golden Raspberry Awards in 1984, Ferrigno won “Worst New Star” for his performance in HERCULES, beating out Loni Anderson in STROKER ACE, Reb Brown in YOR, THE HUNTER OF THE FUTURE, the shrieking dolphins Cindy and Sandy from JAWS 3, and Finola Hughes in STAYING ALIVE. Bet only this one time Ferrigno would have liked to have been beaten by two dolphins.

Schwarzenegger became more successful avoiding being typecast than any other bodybuilder turned actor. At one point, he was the biggest action star in the world, both physically and financially.

Even in a bad movie like HERCULES IN NEW YORK, one can see Arnold’s potential.

In all conscience, I cannot rate HERCULES IN NEW YORK lower than JUNO, because I laughed more at it than I did the overrated 2007 comedy.