Tag: Thriller

Schlock (1973)

SCHLOCK

SCHLOCK (1973) ***

Schlock (/SHläk/): cheap or inferior goods or material; trash.

For quite some time as I watched it, I could not make heads or tails out of John Landis’ 1973 extremely low-budget feature film debut SCHLOCK.

I mean, I understood that it’s a good old-fashioned spoof of good old-fashioned monster movies, sure, from the moment I read a plot synopsis and that its title speaks louder than a thousand words, you bet, but it kept veering between tones. Our title character (played by none other than Landis himself) seemed menacing and imposing one moment and then funny the very next. He’s the missing link and “The Banana Monster” and the poster promises “A love stronger than KING KONG.”

There was one sequence though in particular that changed my tune about SCHLOCK.

Schlock (blanking on his full name right now) watches DINOSAURUS! from 1960 and THE BLOB from 1958 in a movie theater, both classics directed by Irvin S. Yeaworth and produced by SCHLOCK producer Jack H. Harris. We see choice scenes from both films, like a dinosaur fight and that classic moment in THE BLOB when its title character attacks first the projectionist and then the patrons to rudely interrupt the showing of DAUGHTER OF HORROR (renamed from DEMENTIA). Showing THE BLOB also provided Landis an opportunity to work Steven, er, Steve McQueen into his little $60,000 movie.

Not only that, but Schlock learns about vending machines and cleans out a candy counter. Bet he loved them jujubes with his sharp teeth. I love what Schlock does when this incredibly tall man sits in the seat one row in front of him. If only life could be that way. Then again, proper authorities cannot handle Schlock.

At the point Schlock went movie watching, I learned to stop worrying and like (not love) SCHLOCK.

Landis’ love for SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY starts out early in his directorial career, by promoting it with “First, BIRTH OF A NATION! Then, GONE WITH THE WIND! 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY! LOVE STORY! SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY! And now … SCHLOCK!” A line spoken in 2001 turned into a running gag throughout most Landis films and even the music video for Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

So many low-budget movies have a great back story.

Landis and crew, including makeup artist Rick Baker early in his career, made SCHLOCK during 12 days in the summer of 1971, but it was not released until 1973. Johnny Carson found out about the film and he booked Landis on “The Tonight Show.” With this spotlight opportunity, Landis showed clips from SCHLOCK, which helped the first-time director find a distributor in Jack H. Harris Enterprises. Harris put up $10,000 if Landis put 10 minutes of running time on SCHLOCK.

I enjoyed SCHLOCK every bit as much as the Joan Crawford classic TROG (1970) and the similarly low-budget KING KUNG FU (1976).

Of course, I did not forget, but I will see you next Wednesday.

House of Wax (1953)

HOUSE OF WAX

HOUSE OF WAX (1953) Four stars
I’m a big fan of the late, great St. Louis born Vincent Price (1911-93).
 
Like most people from my generation, I first discovered Price through his voice work on Michael Jackson’s mega-hit “Thriller.”
 
Over time, of course, I began to encounter more and more of his work and I became more and more of a fan.
 
A couple of my favorites include his narration on Alice Cooper’s “Black Widow” from the 1975 Cooper album “Welcome to My Nightmare” (AC’s first solo LP) and THEATER OF BLOOD (1973).
 
“Black Widow” foreshadowed Price’s work on “Thriller.”
 
THEATER OF BLOOD lets Price sink his teeth into a juicy role and plot scenario — an irate Shakespearean actor who takes ultimate revenge on all his critics. It’s a lot of fun.
 
Several movies have taken cheap shots at critics over the years — for example, GODZILLA ’98 gave us the buffoonish Mayor Ebert and his aide Gene and LADY IN THE WATER (2006) knocked off that pretentious killjoy Harry Farber, a no-count film and book critic — but THEATER OF BLOOD gets it just right, unlike both GODZILLA and LADY IN THE WATER.
 
In the case of GODZILLA, Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin didn’t even have the guts to have their Godzilla devour their Siskel & Ebert parodies. Chicken shits. I mean, were they holding out hope their film might still get a positive review? You know it’s bad when M. Night had more balls than you.
 
Anyway, in the spirit of a Camper Van Beethoven song, I have to ask ‘Where the hell am I?’
 
Oh yeah, Vincent Price and his incredibly entertaining HOUSE OF WAX, a remake of the 1933 horror film MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM.
 
By the way, Warner Bros. packaged together the 1933 with the 1953 film on a DVD and it’s not every day that you get two good movies for the price of one.
 
Now, I can add HOUSE OF WAX to the Price favorites list.
 
Price stars as Prof. Henry Jarrod, who’s absolutely committed to his wax museum. They’re not just wax figures to him. After all, they are extremely lifelike — a fine art — and he sums up the essence of his art with this dialogue, “Once in his lifetime, every artist feels the hand of God, and creates something that comes alive.”
 
Jarrod especially loves his Marie Antoinette, “Everything I ever loved has been taken away from me, but not you, my Marie Antoinette, for I will give you eternal life.” (Just pretend using Price’s voice while reading the dialogue.)
 
Jarrod thinks first and foremost in artistic terms, whereas his business partner Matthew Burke (Roy Roberts) hatches a devious scheme. If they set the wax museum ablaze, they can collect the $25,000 insurance policy and split it straight down the middle. Jarrod cannot believe his ears, for he loves his wax museum and his creations too much to see them destroyed for money.
 
Burke and Jarrod fight it out, with Burke ultimately winning the upper hand and burning down the wax museum with Jarrod inside. Burke believes Jarrod died … of course, Jarrod survives, enacts his revenge, and starts his wax museum all over bigger and better.
 
File the wax figures burning under “Great Movie Scenes.”
 
In early September 1988, a fire claimed the lives of 300 wax figures from the Southwestern Historical Wax Museum in Grand Prairie, Texas.
 
Lost were figures of Elvis, JFK, Robert Redford, and Paul Newman.
 
“One of the things that has made this fire so difficult to fight was the fact these figures are just like a candle,” Lt. Doug Conner said. “They generate tremendous heat. It appears it’s totally destroyed.”
 
The burning down of the wax museum certainly proves to be a great opener for HOUSE OF WAX.
 
HOUSE OF WAX came in the wake of the first 3-D feature, BWANA DEVIL (1952), and it gives us one of the best 3-D scenes I have ever seen. This scene comes right after intermission.
 
We have a barker for Jarrod’s new wax museum known as the House of Wax. We all know barkers, right, are people who “attempt to attract patrons to entertainment events, such as a circus or fair, by exhorting passing members of the public, announcing attractions of show, and emphasizing variety, novelty, beauty, or some other enticing feature of the show.”
 
Our barker seems to be an elite paddle ball player and he breaks the fourth wall, as he directly addresses the audience and hits the paddle ball toward us.
 
“Well, there’s someone with a bag of popcorn. Close your mouth, it’s the bag I’m aiming at, not your tonsils.”
 
This is better than anything in JAWS or AMITYVILLE 3-D.
 
There’s more choice moments in HOUSE OF WAX, and it’s essential viewing for Price fans.
 
Five must-see Vincent Price films:
— HOUSE OF WAX (1953)
— THE FLY (1958)
— HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1959)
— THEATER OF BLOOD (1973)
— VINCENT (1982)