Tag: Mary Woronov

Chopping Mall (1986)

CHOPPING MALL (1986) ***1/2

Jim Wynorski’s CHOPPING MALL has just about everything anybody would ever want from a mid-80s horror film.

— An iconic shopping mall shooting location.

— Three killer robots who shoot real frickin’ laser beams. By the way, these kill-bots could eat Paul Blart for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and three desserts, plus in-between snacks.

— Big hair and big boobs.

— A Barbara Crampton topless scene that rates below RE-ANIMATOR and FROM BEYOND. Still, though, it’s topless Barbara Crampton.

— Other familiar teeny bopper horror movie bods and faces.

— The great character actor Dick Miller playing a character named Walter Paisley (his character’s name from BUCKET OF BLOOD).

— A Corman Factory production with posters from previous cult classics (including one directed by Wynorski, his debut film LOST EMPIRE) and clips from Roger Corman’s 1957 epic ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS.

— Cameos from Corman favorites Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov playing their characters from EATING RAOUL.

— Outdated special effects that were outdated even before the movie’s release. However, that’s all part of their charm.

— Gore galore highlighted by a gnarly head explosion.

— A plot that plays like a fast and loose combination of FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, FRIDAY THE 13TH, and THE TERMINATOR.

CHOPPING MALL does not muck around, giving us our first killer robot scene right from the start and hey, let’s face it, it breezes past in 76 minutes. For crying out loud, that’s a running time straight from an earlier time in cinematic history. That not mucking around quality is one of the most admirable traits of CHOPPING MALL, that and its desire to give the people what they want in terms of meeting and exceeding the demands of an exploitation film.

It has a basic plot: Three security robots go haywire after a lightning storm, turn rogue and run amok in Park Plaza Mall, actually the Sherman Oaks Galleria in the Sherman Oaks neighborhood in Los Angeles. The galleria, on the corner of Ventura and Sepulveda Boulevards, has been given credit for inspiring the Frank and Moon Unit Zappa satirical hit single “Valley Girl” and FAST TIMES and COMMANDO famously utilized the location.

Of course, with this genre and location, we have four teenage couples who stay after hours to frolic and fool around inside a furniture store, naturally and predominantly hot and horny couples who make up the majority of our body count. That contributes the FRIDAY THE 13TH element, and the presence of Russell Todd aids and abets that mental connection. Todd played Scott in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2, a real smug horny bastard adept with a slingshot. Not that did him any bit of damn good against burlap sack Jason Voorhees.

CHOPPING MALL has a good cast and Kelli Maroney and Alan O’Dell make for appealing, likeable female and male leads, especially Maroney. With her big hair, her struggles working in a restaurant, her spunky attitude, and her way around weaponry, Maroney’s Alison Parks feels very reminiscent of Sarah Conner (Linda Hamilton) from the first TERMINATOR.

What I especially like about the teenagers in CHOPPING MALL is that they load up on guns (echoes of DAWN OF THE DEAD) almost immediately after discovering the killer robots. They are far more proactive than the average horror movie teenager, and that helps separate CHOPPING MALL from the pack of run-of-the-mill exploitation films.

File CHOPPING MALL right alongside cult classics from that moment in time like RE-ANIMATOR, FROM BEYOND, and NIGHT OF THE CREEPS.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show vs. Rock ‘N’ Roll High School

THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW VS. ROCK ’N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL

I’ve never understood the appeal of THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW and how it became the ultimate cult film.

Lord knows I’ve tried, but it’s still neither good nor bad enough to be any good for me.

First time I watched it was late-night TV during my early teenage years. This same late-night program later showed WOLFEN and those are the only two films I can remember watching from that program. (Upon further reflection, I also recall watching HOWARD THE DUCK and THE BREAKFAST CLUB under such circumstances.) Who would have ever guessed that I liked ROCKY HORROR most on this first viewing.

Second time I saw it was part of Starz’ “Midnight Movies” circa 2005. Starz presented a documentary called MIDNIGHT MOVIES based from the book written by film critics J. Hoberman and Jonathan Rosenbaum, then played the movies featured in the doc. I remember watching THE HARDER THEY COME and ROCKY HORROR.

Third time did not prove to be a charm. Two of my ex-girlfriend’s friends could not believe that she had never seen ROCKY HORROR, so they immediately rushed out to the nearest video store and snagged a copy. My ex-girlfriend and I sat there in stunned disbelief at ROCKY HORROR.

The second and third viewings of ROCKY HORROR turned out to be washes and I liked it less each viewing.

I don’t know, I’ve always expected something more outrageous, something more shocking than GREASE in drag.

In fact, I’ve long equated ROCKY HORROR with GREASE: They’re both downright positively absolutely wholesome in dealing with the source material of transgressive art.

Hip to be square, indeed.

Next to FREAKS, BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, ERASERHEAD, and SHOWGIRLS, for example, ROCKY HORROR especially seems like a lame little song-and-dance picture.

As a social phenomenon, ROCKY HORROR is undeniable.

As a stand-alone film without the cult audience in the living room, it’s not so hot.

Feed me THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (1986) instead.

Hell, give me ROCK ’N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, a 1979 production from the Roger Corman factory.

It’s a teenage rebellion picture and as the late, great Joey Ramone (1951-2001) once said, we haven’t had one of those since the Revolution. Think he meant the American Revolution, not the Industrial or the Television or the Rocky Horror.

ROCK ’N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL benefits greatly from a pair of fun fun fun performances at the heart of the picture: P.J. Soles as Ramones loving Riff Randell, who introduces herself as rock ’n’ roller, and Mary Woronov as the fascist Principal Togar, who’s the type to burn rock ’n’ roll albums and crush any individuality. She’s the Principal of Vince Lombardi High, and Riff Randell is her nemesis. Togar hates the Ramones, and I believe she point blank asks them, “Do your parents know you’re Ramones?”

In her quest to quash rock music, Togar introduces a nifty little device that I don’t remember seeing anywhere else: The Rock-O-Meter, which measures, I do believe, the comparative loudness of rock bands. The meter starts with Muzak at the bottom and proceeds through Pat Boone, Debbie Boone, Donny & Marie, Kansas, Peter Frampton, Foreigner, Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin, Ted Nugent, the Rolling Stones, the Who, and, finally, the Ramones at the very top. Yeah, it’s a long way to the top, if you wanna rock ’n’ roll. When you reach that level, it’s not a good time to be a lab mouse (it’s just as bad as being a drummer in Spinal Tap).

Oh, it would have been a nifty little joke to have ROCKY HORROR between Donny & Marie and Kansas.

There’s also a role in ROCK ’N’ ROLL for cult film director Paul Bartel (1938-2000), who evolves from a rock ’n’ roll hater to a Ramones lover. It’s a great moment in dance and cinema when Bartel’s Mr. McGree shakes a tail feather to the Ramones’ cover of “Do You Wanna Dance?” after band and students have taken over the halls of Lombardi High.

That guy Dick Miller (1928-2019) shows up late, late in the pic as a scull-cracking would-be fascist police officer. Roger Corman once named Miller “the best actor in Hollywood” and he’s a favorite of fans of flicks like A BUCKET OF BLOOD, GREMLINS and GREMLINS 2, and PIRANHA. Arnold even blew him away in THE TERMINATOR.

Clint Howard plays Eaglebauer, a procurer at Vince Lombardi who sets up shop in a Brownsville Station dream.

Over the years, I began to notice the majority of my favorite movies are blessed with a multitude of great supporting characters and great character actors. BOOGIE NIGHTS and THE BIG LEBOWSKI, for example, leap quickly to mind.

Guess it goes to show the overall quality of ROCK ’N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL when I have mentioned five performers — Soles, Woronov, Bartel, Miller, and Howard — and not gone into detail about the Ramones.

Delving into the Ramones’ song catalog became one of the enduring pleasures of my life and their songs from “Beat on the Brat” and “Rockaway Beach” to “Rock ’N’ Roll High School” and “The KKK Took My Baby Away” have earned a place inside my punk rock heart alongside the Clash, the Sex Pistols, the Buzzcocks, et cetera.

It’s the punk rocker (and the antisocial free spirit) inside me that prefers ROCK ’N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL over THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW.

THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (1975) One-and-a-half stars; ROCK ’N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL (1979) Three-and-a-half stars