Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 (1987) *
One might think that the sequel to one of the most controversial movies ever made would not have to rely upon nearly 40 minutes of flashing back to the original like it was a forgotten movie from long ago.

It’s then quite possible the folks responsible for Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 thought they didn’t have much of a movie in the first place and they wanted to see if they could ride in on the coattails of the original controversy.

There’s so much of Silent Night, Deadly Night in Part 2 that we could skip the original and just watch Part 2 instead. In fact, that would be my advice to anybody out there curious about watching a Silent Night, Deadly Night movie for the first time, because it’s better to get two bad movies for the price of one.

Take it from someone who obviously went about it all the wrong way and picked the original movie first. Naughty, very naughty, and I was indeed punished!

I postponed watching Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 for so long because I heard it through the grapevine that it flashed back heavily on the original, a movie that I detest like almost no other and rate at zero stars. I consider Silent Night, Deadly Night to be one of the worst movies ever made, let alone one of the worst horror movies. It has a steady succession of scuzzy, sleazy, sordid scenes acted out in the most overacted way imaginable. The actors who play Grandpa, Mother Superior, the toy store owner, in particular, they’re all guilty of crimes against cinema for their overacting. Even the kid mullets are overacting. I did appreciate shots of the mountains in the background, however, and it was interesting to see what toys were on the shelves around 1984. Other than that, though, Silent Night, Deadly Night was one great big lump of coal.

Any movie flashing back so heavily on one of the worst movies ever made would seem to have an uphill struggle. Yes, that’s certainly true for Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, because how much I despise the original came back almost instantly.

Part 2 centers around Ricky Caldwell (Eric Freeman), who inherits the mantle of serial killer from his older brother Billy Chapman. Ricky’s responsible for the flashbacks to the first movie, as he tells his life story in a nuthouse to court-appointed therapist Henry Bloom. We flash back on events when Ricky was just a baby and several events where he was not even present, but sure why not and 1987 seems to be the year of the flashback with Part 2 outdoing even Jaws: The Revenge.

Part 2 has developed a cult following over the years, of course, centered around Freeman’s performance as Ricky. Yes, he’s responsible for the meme GARBAGE DAY! At one point, I thought I would give Part 2 two stars just because I was enjoying Freeman’s overacting so much; he’s an overacting force of nature, topping Will Hare as Grandpa, Lilyan Chauvin as Mother Superior, Britt Leach as Mr. Sims and everyone else from the first movie combined. Freeman’s exaggerated line readings and expressive eyebrows start out hysterical before they finally wear out their welcome down the backstretch of a bloodbath.

Elizabeth Kaitan briefly provides a bright and sunny presence as Ricky’s potential romantic interest Jennifer before she becomes cannon fodder.

Subtlety is definitely not the strong point of the first two Silent Night, Deadly Night movies. Take for instance the Mother Superior character in Part 2. We know she’s evil incarnate, right, because we can remember her despicable character from the first movie even without all the flashbacks. Mother Superior had a stroke in the interim and she’s retired and living alone when Billy, er, Ricky catches up with her for one final showdown between more evil and less evil. Naturally, she has a scarred face and lives at an address 666. Ho, ho, ho!

I realize that Part 2 was made in a hurry with a shoestring budget well under $1 million, but nonetheless both Silent Night, Deadly Night and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 are garbage movies.

Big (1988)

BIG (1988) Three-and-a-half stars

Twelve-year-old Joshua Baskin (David Moscow) cannot gain admittance on a roller coaster ride because he’s not tall enough, so the embarrassed young man finds a Zoltar Speaks machine and it grants his wish that he were big. Overnight, Joshua Baskin becomes 30 years old and he’s played by Tom Hanks for basically the rest of the movie.

BIG is by far the best of the body switch movies that were all the rave during the Reagan administration. Anybody sentient during that era can surely remember a body switch pic or two. Let’s see, we had OH! HEAVENLY DOG from 1980, whose July 11 release date predates Reagan and which gives us Chevy Chase trapped inside Benji … Chase provides voice-over for Benji in a rather dull murder mystery. Then, there’s LIKE FATHER LIKE SON from 1987 pairing Dudley Moore and Kirk Cameron, who just scream father and son, in one of the worst movies of all-time had it not come out during the same year as such cinematic landmarks as THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE, LEONARD PART 6, JAWS THE REVENGE, MANNEQUIN, and TEEN WOLF TOO. Never mind, it’s still one of the worst movies of all-time.

BIG streamlined and more or less perfected the body switch, because we stick with one character (Joshua Baskin) the whole time and there’s less of a suspension of disbelief required for the movie to work. For example, in LIKE FATHER LIKE SON, we have to picture Dudley Moore inside Kirk Cameron and vice-versa (pun and reference to another body switch movie intended), but it’s almost impossible since their speaking voices remain the same. Movies like LIKE FATHER LIKE SON are why the late Roger Ebert coined the phrase “The Idiot Plot.”

Hanks gives a strong performance, especially in conveying the whole child trapped inside a grown man’s body through body language, facial gestures, boyish enthusiasm, wide-eyed reactions. He works his predicament for laughs, for pathos, for drama, and there’s a compelling sequence during his first “big” day when he’s staying at this seedy New York City hotel and he’s scared by the real world. Hanks broke away from his poor man’s Bill Murray for the first time in his career and established his own niche that would culminate in playing Forrest Gump.

Elizabeth Perkins is just terrific in BIG and I don’t think she’s ever been either better or more beautiful than as Susan. Perkins matches Hanks every step of the way during their complicated romance and please go back and watch her during the farewell scene with Baskin. She kisses him on the forehead and strokes behind his ear, in a tender and more motherly fashion. She makes the scene work, as Hanks reverts back to Moscow as Baskin.

Robert Loggia (1930-2015) and John Heard (1946-2017) were two of the best character actors during their respective careers.

Loggia plays against type here as MacMillan, the owner of a toy company who takes a major liking to the way Baskin looks at toys; phooey to marketing reports, Baskin and MacMillan test toys the old-fashioned way by going straight to the biggest toy store. They pair together for a toy piano duet and create one of the most iconic movie scenes of the late 80s. It’s known quite simply as the “Big Piano Scene.”

There was often an edge to Heard during his performances and he taps into that edge a great deal in BIG. Heard creates a real jerk.

Penny Marshall became a name director after BIG and she and Hanks reunited for A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN. Anne Spielberg and Gary Ross wrote the script and Barry Sonnenfeld worked as cinematographer; Ross later directed PLEASANTVILLE and Sonnenfeld’s directorial credits include GET SHORTY and MEN IN BLACK.

There seems to be a certain nostalgia for BIG, just like at times it seems like that’s all true for anything (the good and the bad, and the ugly) from the 80s.

How far can that nostalgia go? Well, there’s the Nostalgic Zoltar Speaks machine for sale on the Zoltar site. One machine comes equipped with a $10,500 price tag and that’s not counting any customization like a wireless microphone to talk through Zoltar ($425 without remote control, $520 with), breathing movement for Zoltar ($625), motion activated attract ($75), custom fortune cards, custom audio messages, and traveling case ($1,500 plastic, $650 wood).

If you do buy that Nostalgic Zoltar Speaks machine for a major chunk of change, do you dare make a wish, “I wish I were big.” I say you better for that level of investment.

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

JAWS THE REVENGE

JAWS: THE REVENGE (1987) No stars

Just when you thought it was safe to see a JAWS movie again.

In the JAWS III review, we discussed the Idiot Plot.

That’s when all the characters have to be idiots to propel the plot forward.

Now, with JAWS: THE REVENGE, we have under consideration another idiotic plot.

I mean, if you’ve never seen this one, you better get that suspension of belief ready for the workout of its life.

You will need every single bit of it for a plot where not only does a shark pursue revenge against a single family — them poor Brodys from Amity Island — but this shark follows said familial unit all the way from New England to the ol’ Bahamas after the shark dispatches widow Ellen Brody’s youngest son in the opening sequence.

Maybe it’s another shark who owes the New England shark something fierce and so he carries out the New England shark’s vendetta against one family. The New England shark just dials up the Bahamas shark and gives him the assignment over the phone.

Maybe the New England shark found the Bahamas shark’s number on a bathroom wall in a watering hole, a genuine dive.

Going back a couple paragraphs, yes, it’s true that our New England shark sets a trap for Sean Brody (Mitchell Anderson), who’s a policeman just like dear old Martin Brody. Sean survived a shark in three previous JAWS installments, but not in this one where he’s outsmarted by a (mechanical) shark. This is just plain ridiculous, but it does prepare us for the ridiculousness ahead.

On his JAWS Wiki entry, “Devoured by Vengeance” is listed as Sean’s cause of death.

Oh, by the way, we might as well get this bit of trivia out of the way before we move on to bigger fish, but four different actors play Sean and Michael Brody in the JAWS series.

Jay Mello played Sean in JAWS, followed by Marc Gilpin in JAWS 2, John Putch in JAWS III, and Anderson in THE REVENGE.

The higher-profile character Michael gets higher-profile actors for at least a couple movies in Dennis Quaid in JAWS III and Lance Guest in THE REVENGE. Chris Rebello and Mark Gruner had the honor in JAWS and JAWS 2, respectively.

Just some random thoughts:

— You might wonder how in the world Lorraine Gary could possibly get top billing. She’s terrible in this movie, for crying out loud.

Well, let’s see, she was married at the time to Universal Studios boss Sidney Sheinberg. (Gary, now 81 years old, and Sheinberg were married for more than 62 years, until he passed away March 7, 2019, at the age of 84.)

Gary came out of retirement for THE REVENGE. Her first feature was the first JAWS and her last was THE REVENGE.

Looking at her movie credits, an earlier role describes Gary’s acting in her last feature.

In CAR WASH, Gary played the “Hysterical Lady,” obvious training for THE REVENGE.

Of course, if you’re terrified by sharks like a curse down the generations, one might argue that it’s justification for being hysterical.

Nah, if the Brodys moved to Kansas, for example, their problem would be solved and their life expectancy would probably be elongated by many years.

Instead, they go back in the ocean. Every single time.

— We get a very awkward romance between Ellen and Hoagie, played by Michael Caine, so we have the first shark movie suitable for geriatric consumption.

Filming THE REVENGE caused Caine to miss the 1987 Oscar ceremony, where he earned Best Supporting Actor for HANNAH AND HER SISTERS.

Caine did give us a great quote about THE REVENGE, “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”

Hoagie, a charter pilot who carries Michael Brody and his dear friend Jake (Mario Van Peebles) to their shark rendezvous, crash-lands his plane late in the movie in the ocean and he’s submerged. Of course, for a split-second, we think he’s shark chow, especially when our great revenge seeker devours his plane.

Not only does Hoagie survive this close encounter of the shark kind, but when he climbs aboard the ship, he’s completely dry and looks freshly laundered.

Apparently, Caine’s explanation for this epic continuity error was that the filmmakers waited so long for the camera to turn over that Caine’s shirt and pants dried in the sun.

— Honestly, THE REVENGE plays like one continuous error.

I mean, what can you say about a movie where the best thing you can say about it is that the children’s choir gives a good performance. Oh, I forgot to mention, shame on me, THE REVENGE takes place around Christmas. Yeah, sure, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Mario Van Peebles chose a laughable accent.

THE REVENGE abuses “It’s Only A Dream” scenes.

Multiple endings exist for this movie, one where Van Peebles survives and the other where his character dies. I’ve seen both, and either way, it doesn’t really matter.

Characters have flashbacks to events where they were not present.

Back to the shark. This one is a doozy, and for even more reasons than what’s already been covered within this space. “Bruce the Shark” roars. Maybe he’s in pain. Maybe he couldn’t believe what he did for the money. Maybe he’s mad that he looks faker than ever before. He even swims backwards, probably in an effort to escape THE REVENGE. Isn’t that how one of the explorers went around the world?

Believe it or not, THE REVENGE finds an even more ridiculous way to kill the shark than the previous entries.

You know what, I do believe that we can believe it with this particular movie.