Lone Wolf McQuade (1983)

day 39, lone wolf mcquade

LONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983) Three-and-a-half stars
Let’s get the facts straight on Chuck Norris.

That might be impossible at this point, even though I have the book “Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T” by Ian Specter on the shelf below Ray Bradbury and on top Benjamin Franklin. How’s that for strange literary bedfellows?

You might not know Specter by name, but you know his creation “Chuck Norris Facts” that blew up the Internet in the mid-2000s. He’s your typical, pencil-necked geek from an Ivy League school who thought it would be a laugh riot (and smart investment strategy) to parody Norris’ machismo. I thought his facts were a laugh riot and quoted them endlessly in between reciting Charles Bukowski’s “Notes of a Dirty Old Man.”

The humor was on the level of “Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.”

Since I technically majored in history in college, I got more of a kick out of the historically-based facts. Donald Trump would probably call them “alternative facts.”

Like, for example, I loved the one “JFK wasn’t killed by a bullet, Chuck Norris ran in and deflected the bullet with his beard … JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.”

That’s the most cogent explanation for JFK’s assassination I’ve ever heard and damn, if they had existed back then, Chuck Norris Facts would have saved me from watching Oliver Stone’s JFK.

Apparently, Norris was in on the joke himself until he sued Mr. Specter late 2007 and early 2008.

Mr. Specter quotes from the suit letter in his “Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T” intro, “Mr. Norris is known as an upright citizen to whom God, country, and values are of paramount importance” and “Mr. Norris also is concerned that the book may conflict with his personal values and thereby tarnish his image and cause him significant personal embarrassment.”

The parties eventually reached a settlement in the spring of 2008.

In a roundabout way, we’re here to discuss LONE WOLF McQUADE, Norris’ best film (along with CODE OF SILENCE) and one of his first successful attempts to break free of the martial arts stranglehold.

The director Steve Carver and Norris worked together previously on EYE FOR AN EYE and here Carver wanted to mess with Norris’ squeaky clean image (critic Dave Kehr called Norris “a Boy Scout Clint Eastwood”), insisting that Norris grow a beard and drink beer. Norris, of course, was hesitant. You’ve not lived until you have seen Norris roll around in the mud with Barbara Carrera.

When I found this movie was rated PG by the Motion Picture Association of America, I thought it must have been a mistake. Did we see the same movie?

No, apparently not, and the MPAA pencil necks saw the light due to Norris persuasion. Just think they were all scared of that Norris roundhouse.

Norris said, “This is the second time I’ve appealed. They gave GOOD GUYS WEAR BLACK an R, but I persuaded them to make it a PG. My argument was the strong, positive image I project on the screen. The word karate, unfortunately, connotes violence to many people. Actually, it’s a means of avoiding violent situations, and a form of defense if you have no choice and you’re backed into a corner. … My films are very similar to the John Wayne movies of the ’40s. He’d go in a bar and Jack Palance would pick a fight with him, and then Wayne would take out half the saloon. It’s the same theme: A man is pushed into a situation where he has to resort to violence.”

What a bunch of hooey.

Norris avoided violence like I avoid metaphors.

I mean, seriously, why else would we watch a Norris action spectacular?

LONE WOLF McQUADE gives us a few more reasons to watch than the average Norris action spectacular.

Carver wanted to recreate the atmosphere of a Sergio Leone film, to put the viewer in that mythic, larger-than-life mindset.

L.Q. Jones and R.G. Armstrong are in the cast and just a year before LONE WOLF, they were seen together in THE BEAST WITHIN. The brief plot summary of that one: “A young woman gets raped by a mysterious man-creature, and years later her son begins a horrific transformation into a similar beast.” That beast would be a cicada.

Jones, who turned 91 in August, appeared in 163 movies and TV shows ranging from HANG ‘EM HIGH and Sam Peckinpah epics (Jones and Armstrong were both in PAT GARRETT AND BILLY THE KID) to CASINO and THE MASK OF ZORRO.

Armstrong (1917-2012), whose ‘G’ in his name stands for “Golden,” had memorable roles in PREDATOR, DICK TRACY (Pruneface), and CHILDREN OF THE CORN among his nearly 200 credits. In fact, I still cannot believe that he did not survive those Gatlin, Nebraska upstarts in the latter film. No respect for their elders. Damn kids.

I nearly always enjoy seeing Jones and Armstrong.

I love it, for example, when Armstrong’s superior officer leans on Norris’ J.J. McQuade to change his slovenly, “lone wolf” ways. McQuade’s a blemish on the wholesome, upstanding Texas Ranger image.

This is a scene that we’ve seen in many, many films involving cops, I mean you can guess what happens when a superior officer calls the protagonist or protagonists into his office. Sometimes, it’s fun to watch. More often, it’s a pain in the neck.

This one works, because of Armstrong. He’s one of the greats in crotchety, and it’s also enjoyable watching somebody dish it out to Norris for a change.

Dana Kimmell plays Norris’ daughter in the movie and she went from surviving Jason Voorhees to surviving being Norris’ daughter.

Of course, it’s rough on her in that macho, macho, macho world.

David Carradine (1936-2009) gives the flick a legitimate villain, not some candy ass pushover. Unlike Norris, Carradine played both good guy and bad guy roles throughout his career, and he’s credible at both. (Norris made a great villain in Bruce Lee’s WAY OF THE DRAGON, but he turned hero after that. Yawn.) Of course, we’re all waiting for Norris and Carradine to have their final showdown.

There’s one legendary scene in LONE WOLF McQUADE.

It’s relatively late in the proceedings.

McQuade is captured and beaten by Carradine’s Wilkes, and Wilkes orders his men to put McQuade in his customized Dodge truck and bury him alive.

You don’t bury McQuade alive, especially not in his Dodge.

McQuade finally comes to, opens up a beer and pours it over his head, and starts up his souped-up truck, which plows through the dirt en route to reality.

You can’t bury McQuade alive, you fools.

Outside his truck, McQuade then dispenses some anonymous henchmen and, in a heap on the ground, our exhausted Ranger tells his young Latino partner, “Get me a beer, kid.”

McQuade’s truck deserved a movie of its own.

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)

day 38, the 36th chamber of shaolin

THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN (1978) Four stars
Wu Tang Clan founder RZA said that he’s probably watched THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN more than 300 times, beginning with a dub on TV (called THE MASTER KILLER) and then continuing through many, many viewings in seedy urban theaters.

RZA has shown the movie the same devotion that its central character Liu Yude / Monk San Te (Gordon Liu) shows in THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN.

THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN truly takes off into the stratosphere of the highest level of martial arts entertainment when our protagonist arrives at the Shoalin Temple around the 31st minute.

Training sequences have long been a staple of action movies, in everything from THE DIRTY DOZEN and FULL METAL JACKET to ROCKY, DRUNKEN MASTER, and THE KARATE KID, just a few prominent examples.

However, I’ve never seen anything quite like the training sequences in THE 36TH CHAMBER. They’re on another level, taken far more seriously than usual.

Training sequences in a lot of movies seem to end up being consolidated into a couple montages and topped off with an uplifting song along the lines of Bill Conti’s “Gonna Fly Now” (ROCKY). We’ve seen it time and time again, a standard of the action movie relentlessly satirized in TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE.

THE 36TH CHAMBER gives us a good 45 minutes of training, helped out by the fact there’s 35 chambers in the Shaolin Temple. San Te advances more rapidly than any student ever before, six years that, through the magic of movies, goes by quickly. I could have gone for the entire movie being nothing but training sequences, though.

It all leaves you with an unbelievably giddy feeling as he cracks every level, bests every challenge. The challenges are not merely physical, and there’s a rigorous attention to detail rare for any genre.

San Te wants to create a 36th chamber to teach the common man the basics of Kung Fu. He’s rebuffed and sent back out into the larger world.

San Te sought sanctuary at the temple because, as a young student named Liu Yude, he took part in an uprising against the Manchu government.

Now, back in the world, equipped with his three section staff invention, San Te’s ready for combat against those heartless Manchu oppressors.

After vanquishing his foes, San Te eventually returns to the temple and establishes that 36th chamber.

Of course, he becomes a folk legend.

Beyond the usual suspects Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, Gordon Liu is one of my absolute favorite martial arts stars. In addition to THE 36TH CHAMBER, notable titles in his filmography include CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS, RETURN TO THE 36TH CHAMBER, and EIGHT DIAGRAM POLE FIGHTER.

Western audiences likely know Liu best from his role in Quentin Tarantino’s KILL BILL movies, where he played Johnny Mo and Pai Mei in the two parts, respectively. Pai Mei in EXECUTIONERS FROM SHAOLIN and Priest White Lotus in CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS, both villains, inspired Tarantino’s Pai Mei.

(Please watch CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS if you want another screw loose entertainment. Liu defeats Priest White Lotus in one memorable final fight that incorporates the fine art of needlepoint.)

Liu had the necessary movie star charisma and joy of performing to carry viewers from one end of the picture to the next or stay interested through 35 chambers, to be more precise. Riveting is the word for it.

Liu’s at his best in THE 36TH CHAMBER and the movie does not waste any time in showcasing him, with an opening credits sequence that previews the final hour of the film when it kicks into a high level.

Lo Lieh played the villain General Tien Ta in THE 36TH CHAMBER and he also played both Pai Mei and Priest White Lotus. He played the heavy in a lot of Shaw Brothers films, but one should remember that he played the protagonist in FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH, a film (along with ENTER THE DRAGON) that broke martial arts films in the Western world. Lieh also directed himself as Priest White Lotus.

This is not his best villain, but that’s alright because the training sequences and Liu’s starmaking performance alone make THE 36TH CHAMBER one for the ages.

We know what RZA has to say on that.

“Me and Dirty (Ol’ Dirty Bastard) were probably the most fanatical about it,” RZA said in Rolling Stone. “36TH CHAMBER to me has had a strong spiritual connection that set me and Dirty on the path.

“It’s one film I’ve never gotten sick of. I’ve probably seen this movie more than any other, especially now that it’s something I perform with, but I don’t get tired of it. More than anything, I love watching people discover it. When I was in California doing it at the Egyptian Theater, that was the first time my son, 10 years old, watched the movie. And he loved it. Turning somebody onto a film that’s so dear to you is, to me, for me, the coolest thing.”

RZA provided a live score to THE 36TH CHAMBER at various Alamo Drafthouse Cinema screenings.

The One-Armed Swordsman (1967)

day 37, the one-armed swordsman

THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN (1967) Three-and-a-half stars
Last month, our glossary of cinematic terms included “giallo,” the Italian thriller genre that definitely had an impact on the American slasher film.

Just a few days into November, now we have “wuxia,” a genre of Chinese fiction incorporating martial arts, sorcery, and chivalry.

The genre enjoyed its 15 minutes of fame in America during the successful run of CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON (2000). (I’ll never forget the tittering of some in the audience throughout its two hours at the Pittsburg 8 Cinema. I loved the movie.)

There’s just something about handicapped swordsman movies from the 1960s, but, then again, maybe only I have this problem.

Back in the days of a free Hulu account, I enjoyed the heck out of the Japanese ZATOICHI THE FUGITIVE, ZATOICHI ON THE ROAD, and ZATOICHI AND THE CHEST OF GOLD, starring Shintaro Katsu as the blind swordsman Zatoichi.

Just a couple years ago, I caught up with THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN and its sequel released two years later, RETURN OF THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN, both part of the Dragon Dynasty DVD series of releases that will give viewers a greater sense of where Quentin Tarantino found his inspiration. (One should also seek out 1976’s THE ONE-ARMED BOXER VS. THE FLYING GUILLOTINE, another highly entertaining concoction in the same league with INFRA-MAN and DRUNKEN MASTER.)

Jimmy Wang Yu stars as the titular protagonist, Fang Kang, whose servant father sacrifices his life to save his teacher and the Chi school of Golden Sword Kung Fu in the opening scene. The servant father’s dying wish is to have his son be taught at his master’s school. Fang Kang’s fellow students, especially the teacher’s daughter, grow to resent him and they do their best to make him leave. On a snowy night, Pei-er, the teacher’s daughter, challenges Fang Kang to a fight and in anger over his refusal to fight her, she chops off his arm. Dang, girl! Fang Kang flees through the woods.

A young woman named Xiao Man inadvertently finds Fang Kang (he falls into her boat) and nurses him back to good health. He decides that he will give up swordsmanship (we know how that’ll work, especially with the movie’s title) and become a farmer with Xiao Man.

Meanwhile, the bad, bad men led by The Long-Armed Devil and The Smiling Tiger have it out for Fang Kang’s teacher, Qi Ru Feng, and have developed a “sword-lock” device that will be the demise of Qi Ru Feng and all his disciples.

(Wouldn’t you love to be called “The Long-Armed Devil”? Well, that’s not a question for “the short-armed.”)

Fang Kang becomes depressed over not being able to practice his martial arts and the ever-reluctant Xiao Man gives him a half-burned out kung fu manual that she inherited from her dead parents. Fang Kang, of course, becomes a new master, yeah, you guessed it, “The One-Armed Swordsman.”

The One-Armed Swordsman learns of the plot to kill Qi Ru and saves the day.

We could have written this script with one arm tied behind our backs. Just please make it the weak arm.

I should now mention THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN includes much bloodletting, a year’s worth of production at the blood bank in 117 minutes. This bloodletting will likely interest contemporary audiences more than anything else.

Not sure how they made the fake blood in THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN, but there’s recipes for it throughout the Interwebs.

Bet we’ll have to start with corn syrup.

THE ONE-ARMED SWORDSMAN (influenced by American Westerns and Japanese Samurais) ushered in a new era of Hong Kong movies built around male anti-heroes, swordplay, and bloodletting.

This pioneering Shaw Brothers production became the first Hong Kong film to gross HK $1M in returns and made Jimmy Wang Yu an early martial arts star.

Mad Monkey Kung Fu (1979)

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MAD MONKEY KUNG FU (1979) Three stars
Been told I’ve been difficult to shop for when it comes to movies.

Yeah, I guess I can see that, but I don’t know, I believe that you should buy a truly unique product like MAD MONKEY KUNG FU and you can’t go wrong.

I broke in 2019 with this Shaw Brothers spectacular from 40 years ago, one which I bought a couple months back during a spree. Sometimes, titles alone just grip you in the supermarket, like Charles Bukowski’s NOTES OF A DIRTY OLD MAN, and you are compelled to put down the hardly earned immediately on that product. After the title, I saw the center MAD MONKEY KUNG FU cover image (double hooked) and then I found out that it was a Shaw Brothers production from their golden era (triple hooked). Nobody could change my mind or wallet.

I didn’t even need to see a plot summary to buy that sucker. I found this one on the Internet: “A martial artist seeks revenge on those who assaulted the elderly master who taught him a specialized form of kung fu.” Not sure about that one, especially the elderly part. I like this one better on IMDb, “A disgraced former Kung Fu expert makes a living as a merchant with the help of a hot headed friend. When the men are harassed by gangsters, the merchant decided to teach his friend monkey boxing so they can defend their business.” A smidge better plot summary, though a title like MAD MONKEY KUNG FU and a background in consuming martial arts entertainment can probably have you working out the plot in short time.

MAD MONKEY KUNG FU truly kicks into gear around the 49-minute mark and gives us an effective final hour that leaves us on a high note. Yeah, it’s not as great as other Shaw Brother spectaculars, like INFRA-MAN, THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN, and FIVE DEADLY VENOMS, because unlike those other films, MAD MONKEY KUNG FU drags in certain spots and needs, oh, what’s the phrase, where’s Archie Bell and his Drells when you need ’em, tightening up.

That final hour includes training sequences and faithful readers know that I am a sucker for training sequences. They are excellent in MAD MONKEY KUNG FU, and I wish they had started a lot sooner.

In 2015, Screen Rant’s Victoria Robertson ranked the 10 best training montages in movies and her list included 10) BATMAN BEGINS, 9) BLOODSPORT, 8) EDGE OF TOMORROW, 7) THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, 6) G.I. JANE, 5) MULAN, 4) ROCKY, 3) TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE, 2) THE INCREDIBLES, and 1) THE KARATE KID. I suppose only American films were considered for the list, but I am suspicious of any training montage list that misses THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN and DRUNKEN MASTER.

Now, I would add MAD MONKEY KUNG FU to such a list.

All the spectacular acrobatics on display in MAD MONKEY KUNG FU brought on flashbacks of a recent mini-vacation to Branson and a two-hour show of the Acrobats of China on a Saturday afternoon.

I enjoyed both the Acrobats of China and MAD MONKEY KUNG FU for similar reasons, swept up in an old-fashioned story that’s old-fashioned for a very good reason but also captivated by the amazing physicality of the performers. Martial artists have that ability more than other action stars and I am dazzled by the three main performers in MAD MONKEY KUNG FU.

Chia-Liang Liu (1936-2013) serves as both the star and the director, and he was 42 around the time of the making of MAD MONKEY KUNG FU, definitely not elderly like it said in that one plot summary. Among his 26 directorial credits are some dynamite entertainments: THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN, RETURN TO THE 36TH CHAMBER, THE 8 DIAGRAM POLE FIGHTER, and DRUNKEN MASTER II. He’s obviously a name who you can trust when it comes to martial arts movies.

Hou Hsiao, the young disciple in the film, is most famous for MAD MONKEY KUNG FU and his physicality, including the ability to imitate a monkey, will stick with you arguably more than anything else in the movie. Reportedly, in a 2004 interview, Hsiao said that he doesn’t watch any of the 40-odd movies that he was in, except for MAD MONKEY KUNG FU. Hsiao worked as assistant stunt coordinator on the second 36TH CHAMBER film and the very, very entertaining CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS, and served as stunt coordinator for THE 8 DIAGRAM POLE FIGHTER.

Of course, we cannot leave behind Lo Lieh (1939-2002), the first kung fu superstar who became known predominantly for playing the heavy. For example, he’s the villain in THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN and CLAN OF THE WHITE LOTUS, as well as here. He’s great at it, and there’s just something about him that you love to hate and you want to see him served his revenge. A movie like MAD MONKEY KUNG FU needs an effective villain and Lieh fills that niche … so MAD MONKEY KUNG FU sewed up the critical roles of teacher, student, and villain.

Infra-Man (1975)

day 36, infra-man

INFRA-MAN (1975) Four stars
I just looked at DRUNKEN MASTER, one of the most entertaining movies ever made, and here we are back with INFRA-MAN, another one.

Roger Ebert wrote an enthusiastic review in March 1976: “And so we’re off and running, in the best movie of its kind since INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS. I’m a pushover for monster movies anyway, but INFRA-MAN has it all: Horrendous octopus men, a gigantic beetle man with three eyes who sprays his victims with sticky cocoons, savage robots with coiled spring necks that can extend ten feet, a venomous little critter that looks like a hairy mutant footstool, elaborately staged karate fights, underground throne rooms, damsels in distress, exploding volcanoes, and a whip-cracking villainess named Princess Dragon Mom.”

Believe it or not, Ebert originally gave INFRA-MAN only two-and-a-half stars and later changed his star rating to three after the re-release of MIGHTY PEKING MAN, another incredibly goofy movie by the same studio.

However, obviously, I don’t think Ebert went far enough, because INFRA-MAN should be four stars.

I just called DRUNKEN MASTER “sublime ridiculousness.”

That’s an understatement for INFRA-MAN.

No, seriously.

Not just because I’ve seen the movie in a print with a Mandarin soundtrack and Spanish subtitles.

It really is the most ridiculous movie I have seen, especially in the English dub.

This Shaw Brothers production combines super heroes, Kung Fu, and science fiction into one explosive 90-minute entertainment package influenced by the Japanese TV shows ULTRAMAN and KAMEN RIDER that were popular in Hong Kong.

It’s not only explosive because shit blows up real good throughout INFRA-MAN.

Seriously, there might be a land speed record for explosions in the movie.

Everything blows up.

Not convinced yet?

The short plot summary from IMDb: “Princess Dragon Mom and her mutant army have arisen, and only Infra-Man can stop them!”

A longer plot summary: “The ten million year-old Princess Dragon Mom (Terry Liu) attempts to conquer the Earth with her legion of mutant monsters. In response, Professor Chang (Wang Hsieh) creates Infra-Man, turning a young volunteer into a bionic superhero to save the world. However, the Princess kidnaps Chang’s daughter. Can Infra-Man save her and the planet before it’s too late?” (IMDb)

Princess Dragon Mom is one of the great villains of all-time, definitely ahead of her time in having cones on her breasts well before Madonna.

Not only that, which is no small feat, but when Infra-Man tries decapitating her when she’s in her dragon form with his energy blades, Princess Dragon Mom regenerates a new head. Every single time, and I mean every single time. Finally, he must use his solar beam to destroy her forever.

Princess Dragon Mom leads one of the more interesting groups of villains. Her minions include Witch-Eye, second-in-command who shoots great beams from eyes on her palms, and Skeleton Ghosts, who have explosive metal spears and wear black and white suits with a lovely skeleton decor that really holds it all together. Princess Dragon Mom’s villainous crew includes several monsters: Fire Dragon, Spider Monster (or the Will Not Stop Growling Spider Monster), Plant Monster, Mutant Drill, Long-Haired Monster, and Iron Armor Monster Brothers. How would you like to have portrayed any one of these minions or monsters?

Where does a performer go after playing Princess Dragon Mom? Did she get to keep any of the costume?

Terry Liu has some interesting titles among her 50 credits from 1973 to 2016, including THE BAMBOO HOUSE OF DOLLS, THAT’S ADULTERY (PART 1), SPIRIT OF THE RAPED, EROTIC NIGHTS, THE OILY MANIAC, and DEADLY HANDS OF KUNG FU.

She’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for her Princess Dragon Mom.

The rest of the world could call her Demon Princess Elzebub, but Princess Dragon Mom will more than suffice for me.

I’ll have more on the Shaw Brothers later.

Drunken Master (1978)

DAY 35, DRUNKEN MASTER

DRUNKEN MASTER (1978) Four stars
There’s at least one more DRUNKEN MASTER fan out there in this great big world: 11-year-old Isaac Gonzalez from Carthage, Missouri.

Looking for a movie to watch one night, bored out of his skull after being grounded from his PlayStation 4 and his tablet, Mr. Gonzalez started thumbing around through hundreds of “old” and “older” movies, finally discovering a run of martial arts films, namely Jackie Chan films.

A wise old man finally asked Mr. Gonzalez, “Don’t you like THE KARATE KID?”

Mr. Gonzalez said, “Yeah.”

The wise old man then declared, “Well, I’ve got a movie that’s much better than THE KARATE KID. It’s awesome.”

Mr. Gonzalez said, “OK, put it on.”

Mr. Gonzalez, after subtitles were retired and the English dub reinstated early on, sat back and watched DRUNKEN MASTER in an apparent state of joy.

He laughed at the slapstick comedy, the vulgar humor, the silly banter, and the drunken boxing shenanigans. After all, doesn’t the Three Stooges’ humor transcend?

He enjoyed all the fight scenes and the great wide world variety of fighters thrown at Chan’s Wong Fei-hung.

The wise old man, after the 110 minutes were over and right before the 11-year-old boy had to go to bed on a school night, asked Mr. Gonzalez how the movie was and he said, “You were right, it’s better than THE KARATE KID. It’s awesome.”

Watching the film again with Mr. Gonzalez, paying attention to his reaction to it as well as my own, I was reminded that DRUNKEN MASTER rates as one of the most entertaining movies ever made.

It’s a blast.

This was still relatively early in Chan’s long career and two films released in 1978 helped make Chan a star, at least in Hong Kong, SNAKE IN THE EAGLE’S SHADOW and DRUNKEN MASTER. Both films have the same director and the same three actors in hero and villain roles.

I prefer DRUNKEN MASTER because, let’s see, it’s ROCKY meets ANIMAL HOUSE meets Bruce Lee.

It’s sublime ridiculousness.

Just imagine if Rocky Balboa drank alcohol before he came out against Apollo Creed and if Rocky’s trainer Mickey threw him a bottle in the middle of the fight and Rocky downed every single drop of it before knocking out Apollo.

Or if Bluto Blutarsky threw down and kicked the holy living hell out of Marmalard and Neidermeyer in a karate fight rather than start a food fight or throw a toga party. (Not that ANIMAL HOUSE had any influence on DRUNKEN MASTER. Both were released in 1978: ANIMAL HOUSE on July 28 in the United States and DRUNKEN MASTER on October 5 in Hong Kong. However, I would pair them in a double feature or perhaps group them with ROCKY for a triple feature.)

Lee tried some relatively bawdy humor early on during THE WAY OF THE DRAGON, but alas, that style worked better for Chan.

Just as it worked better for Chan developing his own brand of martial arts theater and not becoming “the next Bruce Lee.” Not possible, anyway.

DRUNKEN MASTER mixes raunch, slapstick, and (of course) great fight scenes in a way that I had never seen before.

It must have been almost 20 years ago when I first saw it; I rented a dubbed copy on VHS and was blown away.

Like I said not that long ago (certainly not been 20 years), I had never seen anything like DRUNKEN MASTER before and it especially enthralled me with its bountiful supply of colorful fighters with distinct fighting styles. Seems like there’s a great fight scene every few minutes, and they just keep getting better every single fight.

Yes, virtually every single character in this action spectacular can fight and these characters each get their moment in the sun over 110 minutes.

It also has a fantastic “Eight Drunken Gods” training montage.

Speaking of training, before we leave one should mention THE KARATE KID (1984) features a watered-down, more feel-good version of the mentor by comparison with the one in DRUNKEN MASTER. Beggar So (Yuen Siu-Tien) can be cruel and sadistic, at times, but he and Chan’s Wong Fei-Hung do form enough of a bond that helps carry us through.
Ironic that Chan played the mentor role in THE KARATE KID remake (2010).

With DRUNKEN MASTER, Chan started to find his niche as one of the most enduring of action movie stars.

He’s so damn likable partly because he gives you value for money. You know you’re likely to get your money’s worth when you put it down on Chan, through action or humor or both and you know that it’s Chan performing all those stunts himself. That man certainly risked life and limb to entertain us.

Chan also brought his influences from silent movie comedians like Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, and Harold Lloyd, unique sources for inspiration. Chan even replicated a pair of the most famous stunts from Keaton and Lloyd, respectively.

Having a small role in CANNONBALL RUN, Chan was influenced by that Burt Reynolds-starring, Hal Needham-directed, cast-of-thousands car race comedy to feature a gag reel in his own movies, but rather than blown lines, Chan’s end credits often highlight stunts gone awry.

Chan belongs in the upper echelon of action stars, alongside such luminaries as Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Lee, Paul Newman, and Sylvester Stallone, who at their very best deliver the goods at a high level.

Enter the Dragon (1973)

DAY 34, ENTER THE DRAGON

ENTER THE DRAGON (1973) Four stars
There’s a line in BLADE RUNNER that makes me think about Bruce Lee (1940-73), “The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and you have burned so very very brightly.”

Lee made his screen debut as an infant in GOLDEN GATE GIRL, a.k.a. TEARS IN SAN FRANCISCO.

He appeared in several films throughout the ’50s and ’60s, and played the role of Kato on “The Green Hornet” during that show’s 1966-67 run.

Lee made his legend, though, on five martial arts films that were filmed over a period of two years in the early ’70s, where his light burned twice as bright half as long: THE BIG BOSS, FIST OF FURY, THE WAY OF THE DRAGON, ENTER THE DRAGON, and THE GAME OF DEATH (a new, different plot filmed after his death around Lee’s completed fight scenes; Lee postponed finishing THE GAME OF DEATH to make ETD).

ENTER THE DRAGON was the groundbreaker, known as the first martial arts film produced by a major American studio and for a whopping $850,000. The film made $21,483,063 in North America and coupled with the success of the English dub of FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH earlier in 1973, martial arts exploded. (Lee’s earlier films FIST OF FURY and THE WAY OF THE DRAGON fared much better financially in Hong Kong.)

Unfortunately, Lee died of a cerebral edema on July 20, 1973, just six days before ENTER THE DRAGON premiered in Hong Kong. One month later, it premiered in the United States at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

It’s been said that Lee was very nervous before making ENTER THE DRAGON. Lee’s wife, Linda Lee Cadwell, countered that in the Q&A session for the film’s 40th anniversary Blu-ray.

“I think it’s been portrayed that (Bruce) was very nervous before filming began,” she said. “I think it’s been misrepresented to the point that some people say he was having a nervous breakdown he was so paralyzed by fear. That is false. He was a professional actor. He’d been acting his whole life. And he was a professional martial artist as well. So he had no butterflies about that kind of thing. But what he wanted was to make this film very special. And he had ideas he would like to see added to the script. He was very adamant about it.

“He really put a lot of work into studying how to improve this film. To make it the best product that it could be because this was an important film for Bruce. It was going to be his first introduction to the American market. There was some reticence on the side of the people making the film. They wanted Bruce to get on the set and get going but he didn’t want to show up and get going on the film until the things he wanted — namely all the philosophy — in the film were done.”

ENTER THE DRAGON has been described as James Bond meets Fu Manchu, a fact some reviewers have lamented.

For example this one from Time Out, “A sorry mixture of James Bond and Fu Manchu, it tacks together the exploits of a multi-national crew of martial artists converging on Hong Kong for a tournament, infiltrated by Lee — fresh from his Shaolin temple — on an assignment to bust an opium racket. Worth seeing for Lee, but still unforgivably wasteful of his talents.”

Paul Bramhall wrote “Enter the Dragon: The Most Overrated Kung Fu Movie Ever?” in July 2018 and here’s his take on the Bond element: “The influence of Bond drifts in and out of ENTER THE DRAGON like spliced footage in a Godfrey Ho movie, making it come across as shoehorned in rather than a natural part of the narrative. … Released the same year as Roger Moore’s debut as Ian Fleming’s most famous creation, the secret agent styled shenanigans on display in ENTER THE DRAGON were dated even before it hit cinema screens. Casting Geoffrey Weeks a poor man’s M, and a head scratching plot of a rogue Shaolin student using a martial arts tournament as a front to his opium smuggling operation, (director) Robert Clouse and co. should have taken a page out of the ‘less is more’ manual of filmmaking.”

Nigel Tufnel had the answer for all that, “That’s just nitpicking, isn’t it?”

ENTER THE DRAGON downplays the sex angle, the double entendres, and the gadgets, and this low-budget “Bond movie” can stand head-to-head with any of the best Bond films like FROM RUSSIA WHITH LOVE, GOLDFINGER, ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE, and SKYFALL, for example.

Like how those early Bond films gather a lot of their appeal from the star power of Sean Connery, ENTER THE DRAGON draws heavily on Lee.

He’s a movie star, yes, tried and true with charisma and electricity that can transcend a low budget, a dodgy or dopey plot, awkward and awful voice dubbing, and other production lapses.

Lee ranks with Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, et cetera, all the great stars of the screen.

Not only that, watching Lee in action is like watching great athletes Barry Sanders, Jerry Rice, Michael Jordan, and Mike Tyson, for example.

You know you’re watching the very best, a grand master at his or her craft and somebody in the greatest physical (and mental) shape.

George C. Scott said that he looked for a “joy of performing” quality in judging actors, that the great ones separated themselves from the good with their joy. Scott named James Cagney.

You can say all these actors and athletes named in the last few paragraphs all have this “joy of performing.”

Lee definitely had that joy, and it’s apparent throughout even his worst movies.

Unlike the other Lee martial arts movies released in America, though, we hear Lee’s actual speaking voice in ENTER THE DRAGON.

He’s very, very quotable and my friends and I loved to do our best Lee impression with lines such as “Don’t think. FEEEEEEEEL! It’s like a finger pointing away to the moon. Do not concentrate on the finger or you miss all of the heavenly glory,” “You can call it the art of fighting without fighting,” and “Why doesn’t somebody pull out a .45 and, bang, settle it?”

In addition to Lee at the center, we have John Saxon and Jim Kelly as Roper and Williams, respectively, who also end up on Han’s Island (not to be confused with the small, uninhabited island that Canada and Denmark are in dispute over) because they were designed to give the film a wider appeal to maximize profits. Unlike Lee, who transcends fads and fashions, Saxon and Kelly and their characters are a bit more prisoner of the times. Fortunately, the two Americans both have enough personality and martial arts skill to justify their presences, and they’re fun.

Then we have the arch villain Han, just like a Bond picture, but please try and picture Gert Frobe or Telly Savalas do martial arts battle with Lee and the other protagonists and their fists and feet of fury.

Shin Kein (his speaking voice dubbed by Keye Luke, since he did not speak English) received acting credits in 272 films from 1940-95 and he’s most identified with Han. Like the best of the Bond films, Han contributes to the success of ENTER THE DRAGON with his villainy, a great foil to the good guys.

I love this blurb from his profile on the Villains Wiki, “Han is a heroin drug lord who runs his heroin cooking business from a secluded island. He also lost a hand, though how he lost it is never explained. He keeps the bones of the severed hand on display in a museum of torture and weapons. In place of the missing hand he has a variety of weapon hands to use like a iron hand, claw hand and a bladed hand. He is also an expert in martial arts.”

ENTER THE DRAGON ends in slambang fashion with the final fight between Lee and Han — a scene that could be played right alongside THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI and DUCK SOUP, three of the best usages of mirrors in motion picture history.

I would love to have seen ENTER THE DRAGON at its American premiere, just for the response to Lee alone.

NOTE: Raymond Chow, the producer behind Lee and Jackie Chan, died Friday, November 2, 2018 at the age of 91.