She-Wolf of London (1946)

SHE-WOLF OF LONDON (1946) *
I have an alternate title for the 1946 Universal Studios anti-horror classic She-Wolf of London: She-Wolf of Tedium.

Since there’s no actual she-wolf, our new alternate title downsizes to Tedium.

Over a 31-year period, Universal made 31 films that are grouped together as the Classic Monsters series, featuring Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolf Man, the Invisible Man, the Phantom, the Mummy, and/or the Werewolf of London, not to mention Abbott and Costello.

She-Wolf of London falls outside the Classic Monsters jurisdiction and it’s worse than any of them. Yes, it’s even worse than The Invisible Woman, the nadir of the Classic Monsters series.

Since I watched The Wolf Man and Werewolf of London, I expected a she-wolf in London, transformation scenes, and scenes of mayhem.

No, director Jean Yarbrough (The Devil Bat), screenwriter George Bricker, and producer Ben Pivar give us a standard issue murder mystery.

June Lockhart, then a 21-year-old ingenue years before her mother roles on Lassie and Lost in Space, stars as poor, poor Phyllis Allenby, whose deep, deep belief in the so-called ‘Curse of the Allenbys’ leads her to believe that she’s the werewolf responsible for all the deaths in the local park. Good old Aunt Martha (Sara Haden), that good old Aunt Martha, anyway, she owns dogs that bark all night and they take a real shining to poor, poor Phyllis. Between all the murders that point toward her and dogs barking and curse talk, Phyllis gets worse over the course of She-Wolf of London. That’s all part of Aunt Martha’s master plan, since she wants to drive Phyllis insane and inside an asylum so Aunt Martha and her daughter remain living inside the mansion rather than Phyllis and her doting barrister, boyfriend, and potential husband Barry Lanfield (Don Porter). Barry sees through it all, believes in Phyllis, and it’s all so touching when he proves her innocence. Instead, Aunt Martha becomes one of those less than convincing movie murderers, you know, in a revelation that renders the rest of the movie, what’s the word, ridiculous … and not the good ridiculous either.

Yeah, that’s a whole lot of plot synopsis and She-Wolf of London surrenders itself to many exposition scenes during a 61-minute motion picture spread. All that exposition becomes the source of all that pesky tedium, which is not exactly what I was expecting from a movie titled (incorrectly) She-Wolf of London. There I go again, my own worst enemy.

The Marx Brothers & The Three Stooges

THE MARX BROTHERS & THE THREE STOOGES

Before Elvis and Chuck Berry, the Beatles and the Stones, Zeppelin and the Who, the Clash and the Sex Pistols, Nirvana and Pearl Jam, Woody Allen and Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor and George Carlin, Monty Python and Benny Hill, David Letterman and Jay Leno, and Jay and Conan, there was Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, yes, but also the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges.

There seems to be a notion that you can’t like both the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges, and that you have to choose one over the other and the twain shall never meet.

I call bullshit on that notion.

There’s room for both in this mad, mad, mad, mad world.

However, I will admit upfront a preference for the Marx Brothers.

Granted, at the age of 8 through 10 or 11, I absolutely loved the Three Stooges and I learned only of the Marx Brothers from a scene in GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM. For a period of time on the school bus, my two cousins and I pretended that we were the Three Stooges and I played the Moe role. For many years after that obsessive period, though, I barely paid the Three Stooges a bit of attention. I don’t know, like fart jokes, they just seemed precisely like something that you instinctively move beyond as you get older and mature. I’ve revisited the Three Stooges’ work recently, though, and I’ve found enjoyment in them once again.

During college, I discovered the Marx Brothers and DUCK SOUP (1933) became one of my favorite all-time movies and Groucho Marx’s Rufus T. Firefly one of my favorite all-time characters. The Marx Brothers influenced my sense of humor tremendously, Groucho especially, and I don’t know how many co-workers or women I flirted with ever picked up any of the distinctive Marxist vibes.

I once argued with a college professor that DUCK SOUP retained value in the 21st Century because there’s still pompous jerks around who need to be deflated, not that I would have ever thought of naming that particular college professor as one.

In the end, I’ll choose Marxist anarchy over Stoogian anarchy because I prefer absurdist verbal wit over slapstick brutality.

The Marx Brothers paved the road for Mel Brooks, Woody Allen, Monty Python, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Robin Williams, AIRPLANE!, Borat, Bugs Bunny, and “South Park.” Their influence extended to music — you cannot tell me their satirical and sartorial choices in military dress at the end of DUCK SOUP did not have an impact on the “Combat Rock” era Clash, Queen named two of their albums after Marx Brothers spectaculars (A NIGHT AT THE OPERA, A DAY AT THE RACES), and Alice Cooper and Groucho reportedly became good friends late in Groucho’s life. Groucho died in 1977, a year that also included the deaths of Elvis Presley and Charlie Chaplin (Elvis and Groucho separated by a mere three days in August 1977). The Ramones also had that great song “I’m Against It” on 1978’s ROAD TO RUIN, itself a reference to Hope and Crosby.

The Three Stooges influenced Sam Raimi, John Hughes, John Landis, John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley, the Farrelly Brothers, Mel Gibson, SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT, and wherever violent slapstick can be found in animation or live-action.

Now, I present 10 Marx Brothers and Three Stooges classics, five from each comedic team.

It should be duly noted the Marx Brothers starred in feature-length pictures (13 from 1929 to 1949) and the Three Stooges produced shorts (190 from 1934-1959).

HORSE FEATHERS (1932) — You don’t have to attend college for 10 years to appreciate HORSE FEATHERS. Oh, it definitely helps, don’t get me wrong. I must say I adopted Groucho’s opening song “I’m Against It” as my credo during college (I didn’t give a hoot that I had no son during the song adoption process): “I don’t know what they have to say / It makes no difference anyway / Whatever it is, I’m against it / No matter what it is or who commenced it / I’m against it / Your proposition may be good / But let’s have one thing understood: Whatever it is, I’m against it / And even when you’ve changed it or condensed it / I’m against it / I’m opposed to it / On general principles, I’m opposed to it … For months before my son was born / I used to yell from night till morn / ‘Whatever it is, I’m against it’ / And I’ve been yelling since I first commenced it / I’m against it.” I just now realized that “I’m Against It” as credo may have been responsible for 10 years of college. I met a lot of Connie Baileys during college, and they for sure were not “college widows,” but, yeah, everyone still says ‘I love you.’

DUCK SOUP (1933) — I don’t know how many damn times I’ve laughed myself silly at this damn movie. I just love how Groucho comes out firing innuendos and witticisms from the get-go and I’ve used several of them in real life like “I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows till you came home” and “[Fill in the blank] here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot. But don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” I must say that I always wanted to conduct official business at staff meetings just like Groucho’s Rufus T. Firefly does in the darkest chamber of Freedonia, especially the business about new and old business and the workers demanding shorter hours. DUCK SOUP upset Benito Mussolini and flopped at the box office, precipitating the brothers’ move from Paramount to MGM and the loss of one brother (Zeppo) from their movies. That’s what you get for truly being ahead of your time. DUCK SOUP is all killer, no filler Marx Brothers madness, and earns the highest (second highest) recommendation.

PUNCH DRUNKS (1934) — Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and Curly Howard starred together in 97 short films from 1934 to 1947, and there were many, many more featuring different Stooge permutations for Columbia Pictures. In their second production, Moe’s a struggling boxing manager, Curly’s a shy waiter, and Larry’s a fiddler. Curly turns into the world’s greatest heavyweight boxer, though, under the influence of the tune “Pop Goes the Weasel.” Rosin up that bow, Larry, and say ‘Bye, Curly, hello, K.O. Stradivarius.’ We can understand the effects of “Pop Goes the Weasel” in 1934 through later songs. In the late-1960s, for example, it’d have been the MC5’s “Kick Out the Jams.” In the early 1980s, Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” or AC-DC’s “Hells Bells.” In the early 2000s, Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” would’ve perfectly suited a PUNCH DRUNKS remake. Personally, over the years, I’ve found much therapeutic value in such lovely, lilting songs as the Stooges’ “Search and Destroy,” the Clash’s “Cheat,” and the Misfits’ “Where Eagles Dare.”

MEN IN BLACK (1934) — Before Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith, there was Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, and Doctor Howard hot off the heels of PUNCH DRUNKS in this hospital spectacular that puts “Laughter is the Best Medicine” to the ultimate test. I know it was during the Great Depression, but one should consider how much dire straits a hospital must have been in to call on Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, and Doctor Howard. MEN IN BLACK spoofs on the Clark Gable and Myrna Loy film MEN IN WHITE, which earned the distinction of being one of the first films condemned by the Legion of Decency. MEN IN BLACK competed against winner LA CUCARACHA and WHAT, NO MEN! for Best Short Subject – Comedy at the Academy Awards, the Three Stooges’ lone nomination in this category. The Three Stooges worked the broken glass running gag better than BETTER OFF DEAD (1985).

HOI POLLOI (1935) — Greek rooted phrase “Hoi polloi” means the masses or the common people, and elitist snobs use it derisively for people they believe are beneath them. Some pompous fools might even say the Three Stooges are “hoi polloi” or lowest common denominator entertainment. You might remember the good old “Nature vs. Nurture” discussion from school or at least TRADING PLACES when Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche placed their bets on Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy. Nature argues that genes and hereditary factors determine human behavior, whereas nurture centers around childhood experiences and how individuals are raised. Many great minds — from John Locke to Steven Pinker — have entered the dialectical fray in the last say 400 years, but the work of Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, and Doctor Howard should not be neglected in the halls of history. HOI POLLOI is their 18-minute dissertation, replete with those patented Three Stooges slaps, eye pokes, head conks, and nose honks. Believe that’s even the name of a 1-minute, 42-second YouTube clip. There’s also some real good dancing in HOI POLLOI, and it left me with the urge to listen to Pulp’s or William Shatner’s “Common People.”

NIGHT AT THE OPERA, A (1935) — MGM producer Irving Thalberg (1899-1936) made sure the Marx Brothers were more “commercial” and “normal” after their five anarchic pictures at Paramount — especially DUCK SOUP — failed. A NIGHT AT THE OPERA, their MGM debut, gives us less Groucho, Chico, and Harpo and more standard romantic leads Allan Jones (not an improvement from Zeppo, who was a perfect parody of this kind of leading man) and Kitty Carlisle. We don’t want this romantic carp, er, crap, er, carp anywhere near our Marx Brothers madcap antics and wasn’t this a betrayal for our boys? For crying out loud, at the end of DUCK SOUP, all four Marx Brothers pelt Margaret Dumont with fruit when she begins singing a sweet victory song. One picture two years later, our boys embraced opera and let Jones and Carlisle sing their songs. What a letdown! Come on, man, I wish our heroes used fruit on Jones and Carlisle. I wish Zeppo stayed in their act. That said, Groucho, Chico, and Harpo still perform some of their best gags in A NIGHT AT THE OPERA and that’s a must to get somebody who hates opera through 96 minutes of a plot centered around opera.

DAY AT THE RACES, A (1937) — Despite not being the biggest fan of phones in real life, I’ve long been a fan of great telephone scenes in the movies, everything from Ray Milland’s final scene in FROGS (referencing DIAL M FOR MURDER, no doubt) and DR. STRANGELOVE to ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA and IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Groucho’s Dr. Hackenbush gives us a beautiful prank stall call scene and the boys get to ruffle the stuffed shirts of both Leonard Ceeley and Sig Ruman in A DAY AT THE RACES. I’ve always found it easier to get through A DAY AT THE RACES than A NIGHT AT THE OPERA, surely because it’s not opera. Yes, because it’s not opera and I’ll stop calling you Shirley. Allan Jones still needs a pie in the face whenever he opens that pretty boy mouth to sing, but Maureen O’Sullivan — TARZAN movies — proves to be a major upgrade from Kitty Carlisle and this is the MGM picture that most captures the spirit of the Marx Brothers at Paramount.

YOU NAZTY SPY! (1940) — A pioneer in mocking Hitler, well before THE DEVIL WITH HITLER and DER FUEHRER’S FACE and even before Charlie Chaplin’s THE GREAT DICTATOR. YOU NAZTY SPY premiered January 19, 1940, beating Chaplin’s first full-fledged talking picture by 286 days. Moe plays dictator Moe Heilstone, Larry’s propaganda minister Larry Pebble, and Curly’s field marshal Curly Gallstone. At least nobody’s “kidney stone.” After some evil shenanigans by evil cabinet ministers, Moe, Larry, and Curly take over Moronica and prove that old Rufus T. Firefly line true from the start of DUCK SOUP, “If you think this country’s bad off now / Just wait ‘till I get through with it.” The sung laws of Firefly’s administration included the line “Pop goes the weasel,” ironically the ditty featured in PUNCH DRUNKS. Yes, both YOU NAZTY SPY and its follow-up I’LL NEVER HEIL AGAIN could play right alongside DUCK SOUP … in fact, all three could join THE GREAT DICTATOR, TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THE DEVIL WITH HITLER, DER FUEHRER’S FACE, STALAG 17, and THE PRODUCERS in a marathon friendly to fascist dictators. Reportedly, YOU NAZTY SPY was both Moe’s and Larry’s favorite Three Stooges short.

I’LL NEVER HEIL AGAIN (1941) — Moe Heilstone (dictator), Larry Pebble (propaganda minister), and Curly Gallstone (field marshal) return again for this sequel released July 4, 1941, months before the United States’ official entry into World War II. The boys are paired again with director Jules White and screenwriters Clyde Bruckman and Felix Adler, despite the fact their characters were fed to the lions or something disturbing like that in YOU NAZTY SPY. One must wonder if Adolf Hitler and Joseph Goebbels ever came across YOU NAZTY SPY and I’LL NEVER HEIL AGAIN and how exactly they reacted. There’s much debate on whether or not Hitler saw THE GREAT DICTATOR. Chaplin himself wanted to know what Hitler thought of it. There were reports that Moe Howard rushed from the production to his daughter’s birthday party while still being dressed in full-on Hitler. Bet the switchboards in Hollywood went crazy on that one. It predated the mass hysteria in PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE.

NIGHT IN CASABLANCA, A (1946) — German emigre Sig Ruman enjoyed a distinguished career in the films of the Marx Brothers, Ernst Lubitsch, and Billy Wilder and when you Google Sig Ruman you’ll encounter “Sig Ruman Marx Brothers” as keyword very quickly. He appeared in A NIGHT AT THE OPERA, A DAY AT THE RACES, and A NIGHT IN CASABLANCA, finding work in the most temporal Marx Brothers films. He’s like a windup machine that specializes in anger … and the Marx Brothers masterfully wind up that machine. Ruman’s incredible at both the double take and the overreaction. Watching A NIGHT IN CASABLANCA for the first time in several years, Ruman came to mind because he’s so great as the comic villain. Both the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges needed comic villains, because sure they aggravate virtually everybody in their films but it’s more fun when it’s a comic villain who’s beyond exasperated.

The Marx Brothers: HORSE FEATHERS (1932) Four stars; DUCK SOUP (1933) Four stars; NIGHT AT THE OPERA, A (1935) Three-and-a-half stars; DAY AT THE RACES, A (1937) Four stars; NIGHT IN CASABLANCA, A (1946) Three-and-a-half stars

The Three Stooges: PUNCH DRUNKS (1934) Three-and-a-half stars; MEN IN BLACK (1934) Three-and-a-half stars; HOI POLLOI (1935) Three-and-a-half stars; YOU NAZTY SPY (1940) Four stars; I’LL NEVER HEIL AGAIN (1941) Four stars